I choose peace

One of the last days Jelsen was in my hometown of Oslo, we joined in on a peace march in the city center. It was a very emotional experience and one of those moments that makes me so proud to be Norwegian. I'm uncertain how much of the war in Gaza is portrayed through media in the U.S these days, but Norway is very passionately involved and the stories we are hearing here scare me to the core. Today a UN quarter, a shelter and a hospital were bombed and it seems nothing is sacred anymore. This past week there has been street riots in Oslo as a reaction to the unfair battle that is going on and it is dividing friends and neighbors in heart breaking ways.

 I think it's important to point out that none of us need to take a side in this battle. We don't need to take a stand between the religions involved or the statements being made. The people that showed up to this march all took an important stand, raised their torches so they could be seen clearly and showed where they stood in the battle between war and peace. They all chose peace. And that's all the rest of us need to do too.
A lot of people are disagreeing about what is actually going on, and I think it's important for everyone to put pressure on Israel so they will let journalists come in to the war zone and report to the world about what they see. All is NOT fair in war and we need make sure rules are not broken in a way that affects the civilians. 

-bahareh

"This Ticket Saved Your Life, Son."

So, it seems that most things you do normally is illegal. I was pulled over (just the cop lights - no sirens) on my bike by new york's finest.

Why you ask? Because i 'ran a red light'. I also didnt have a helmet (i told them i forgot it at home), my front and rear reflectors were 'missing' and i was also rocking headphones while operating a bicycle.
I leaned against my bike for bout 20mins as they ran my ID. Of course, they had a good time repeating my last name.

One of them (the obvious Bad Cop of the couple) burped like a frat boy in between his repremanding. Real nice. Reckless Operation of Bicycle. reeeeeaally?

ok.

Im going to follow this summons' instructions and be sure not to miss my Jan 14, 2009 court date.

yay,
- jelsen

"Next time, i'll FUCKING STAB YOU."

ok ok, so i'll try to keep this cut & dry:

so ive been working on a new portfolio for a competition's entry. i (happily) pulled off an all-knighter completing it, then prepped to bike over the manhattan bridge to KINKOS (aka Stinkos) in Columbus Circle (that's 59th/central park, folks) at 6AM.

Let's begin:
The ride up took me about an hour - it was maaaaaarvelous! The weather, the (no)people, so great. Across the street from Kinkos there's a DuaneReade so i stopped in there to hydrate and pick up some goodies.

When i got to the register, i realised that i FORGOT MY $$$ (and card/id)! Doh!
...thankfully, i didnt have to pay for my order until pickup. whew!

So, i placed my order and was scheduled to return at 6PM to see a proof.
I head back to Brooklyn while the sun arose. yes, still amazing.
then, out of delirium, i collapse all over myself halfway across the bridge! haha. i just layed there laughing (and managed to shimmy my phone out of my jeans for this pic).
I finally get home round 7:30AM and pass out 'round 8:30AM...................sleeeeeeeeeeeeep.................then wake up and meet Bahareh & Lisa in Cobble Hill for their lunch/my breakfast at 3PM.
I then bike back over the manhattan bridge again for my 6PM appointment at Kinkos. I get there and of course there's a massive line. Finally, it's my turn up at the desk so i tell the person (its a new shift of employees) my name.
She CANNOT FIND MY NAME. uhm....ok. So, i then tell her my filename, order, time i placed the order and after 15 minutes of 3 of them running around looking under scrap paper they find my order....which is UNDER MY SISTER'S NAME!

Darlye lives in Pheonix.

H'anyway, we cleared that up and they said they'd have my book ready by midnight. Now, with my NEW situation, i meet up with Guillo and we decide to see an impromptu movie - the timing seemed to be perfect.

We walk up to the theater on 68th & Broadway for 'Burn After Reading'.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We're 5mins late into the movie. Lights are out - movie's in full swing. I see 2 open spots in between two sets of couples, so we quietly excuse ourselves into the vacant seats.

Now, the guy i was about to sit next to had a baseball cap, jacket and i think a sweater on the armchair between us. BEFORE i even place my ass cheeks in my chair he says, "Hey, i have my shit here". I reply (while sitting), "no worries, man."...and he removes it all on his own account.

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO?!! FUCK YOU!!", now remember the movie going on and we JUST sat down and this dude is straight out yelling in my face. I mean the tip of his nose is touching my cheek!

(damn, i wish i could film myself doing this as a monologue - so much better)

Anyway, you can imagine my shock, i reactively get back in his face, "ey! calm the fuck down! christ, i didnt say shit to you - i didnt tell you to move your shit - just relax and watch the goddamn movie."

The funny/awkward thing is that ive never been in a situation where i had to simultaneously scream and whisper at someone. ha

Of course this muscle skull doesnt let down, "you telling ME to calm down?!! FUCK YOU. I'll fucking kick your motherfucking ass - you fucking need to learn some respect!! Let's take this outside right now....let's GO! RIGHT NOW."...he actually stood up, prepared to lead the way out. He eventually sits back down - even more heated that i didnt get up - and continues yelling at me.....and i periodically look at him saying, "dude, really? Are you REALLY serious?!! REALLLY??!!"

And that he was. Each time. Dead fucking serious. Ok, so its logic (me) vs Testosterone (that'd be the deuschbag).

Now, there's no way in hell im paying $12 to most likely get my ass kicked. Plus, i heard decent reviews about this movie. Guillo, amazed that this dude's still pursuing a fight with me, leans over in an attempt to put a lid on the situation....this doesnt work.

I now phase into 'ignore the obnoxious child' mode. We're all familiar with this mode. Also, keep in mind that this guys ON / A / DATE! This chick's just sitting there....not a word.

Ok, after a while he shuts the fuck up and i pretend to have my complete attention on the movie. What's going through my mind: hmmm....i actually have to fight someone. hooray.

.....about an hour into the film he gets up to pee or whatever. Of course, he has to pass through me. I adjust my legs so he can get by and you know what he does? This embacile BENDS OVER (the movie's still going) right up to my face and says, "..you think i forgot about you?! i didnt forget about you - i'll take care of you after the movie....."

i say, "yeah yeah - whatever, i'll be here...", while looking passed him to keep my attention on the screen while eating popcorn flagrantly. Of course, this pisses him off more - he then carries on by.
It all then sinks in - that this fool is really ready to throw down and i just CANNOT LOSE; I gotta get to Kinkos. And i surely cant hit him first - fuck no. I had to defend myself. So, since i had my bookbag with me i started going through my pens and markers looking for the sharpest point.
NOTE: Imagine going to see a movie...just like any regular movie and the next thing you know you're sitting in that movie looking for a weapon to defend yourself. Think about thinking about how its gonna feel to shove a fucking object into someone's neck, breaking the skin, puncturing flesh, blood splattering all over your clothes and popcorn. Then, think about concentrating on how it might actually all play out and how much control isnt yours at all.And what your police report will be...and....and....and...

yeah, that's what i was doing for about an hour during a fucking comedic film! I had to man-up on the spot. tragic.

Ok, so the fucker comes back....sits down without a word. Now I've been gripping this uncapped pen in my pocket 'prepared' for anything. 45 mins later the movie's up.........................................................................................................................................................end credits start rolling, house lights still down. I try to come off as nonchalant as possible, checking my phone, slouching in my chair, chuckling with Guillo, etc - unphased by this crackhead's antics....THEN BOOM!

He shoves his face into mine (again), "you better learn your manners....because i swear..." THIS IS WHEN HE PULLED OUT A KNIFE AND PLACED IT LESS THAN AN INCH AWAY FROM MY NECK...."...next time, i'll FUCKING STAB YOU."

AT THE MOVIES!!! really?

Guillo and i quickly react, both grabbing his arms and pushing him back off away from me. So now it seems like we're back at the begining - this time, with a knife...and this time - im REALLY fucking pissed. In all actuality this little fuck is just that and im a foot and change above him. Im in his face (i think after a few seconds he put his knife away) and the three of us are just in each others faces and he's just standing there...grinning, "yeah...yeah, no you know". I could see how gratified he was that he threatened someones life - in public. He was glowing....so proud of himself, flacid no more.

About 50 people were still seated. Not a witness in sight.

The idiot and his idiot girl then leave.....afterwards Guillo and i then realize what just went down. Then it all sunk in....holy fuck.

We waited about 5 mins in the theater to calm down...."what the fuck?! REALLY?!!" And my defensive pen plan went to shit! haha. When i saw his blade coming at me my instinct was to get him the fuck away from me - not STAB HIM BEFORE HE STABS ME. ha, yeah fucking right - what was i thinking? oh yeah - i was thinking about my LIFE.

ok - so that's that. Guillo, aka My Favorite Bodyguard, headed out of the theater looking at every corner expecting that psycho leprochaun to jump out to finish me off. It's now midnight and we walk back a couple blocks down to the Kinkos and all im thinking is, "they BETTER friggin have my book ready this time."

We get there: CLUSTERFUCK (again!)
Nobody knows shit. They didnt even PRINT my book when i arrived - it was 12:15AM. Remember, this all started at 6AM the same day and i still have NOTHING from them. It then took them 30mins to print it...then forever to bind it, fuck that up, re-bind it, smudge that, do it over...etc.

Once i finally got my 2 copies of my book i TOLD them im paying for one. "Uhm...sir, you're just gonna get one now?"...."No, im PAYING for one and im taking BOTH," i told the idiot. He slothly (at least he's consistent) walks over to the 'other idiot' and tells him what i said. He comes back to me at the desk and says to me - square in the eyes, "You'll have to come back when a manager is here in order to do that."

WHAUT?!!

I dont think i ever looked at anyone the way i looked at that dude. Mutherfucker, YOU screwed up SEQUENTIALLY All Fucking Day.....and you think that im gonna come back for a discount?! Wow.

Now, while we're enjoying a stare-off a homeless woman walks into the store. The other dude screams at her, "not tonight, not tonight, ok!!". In the frame of seconds she walks up to the other counter, grabs the bathroom key (which is tied to a floppy metallic yardstick) and start WACKING the shit out of the other employee, screaming "you need to respect me tonight! im a costumer tonight!!"

WTF!! haha
She got at least 3 good hits to his face, making marvelous music with that dangling key.

My guy shoots over to the other side of the room to hold back the guy that she was assaulting.....and i look down...and there, are the two shitty copies of my portfolio that ive biked who knows how many miles for, almost got stabbed for, wasted 'quality time' with my wife for....sitting right there.

And with one statement, "fuck this" i grab em, grab my bookbag off the floor, grab my bike that i drug into the store earlier - and bolted out of there before they could notice.

I turn the corner, once again at DuaneReade, and get my things in order for the bike ride back to Brooklyn. I then reach in my pocket to call Bahareh to tell her what just went down.

*POOF*

I forgot that i left my charger - phone attached - plugged into an outlet BACK AT KINKOS!

UGH. When does this day end?!

yep...i had to walk BACK to the place where i just ran out on the bill. Christ. Soon as i walk in and the guy that was getting hit says to me, "Sir, we apologize for the inconvenience - please, just have a nice day."

(so now they didnt need a manager for that, eh?)

"...uhm, ok."...."thanks?". I hurry to the back and get my phone and then i that hell hole....just in time - the pigs arrive.

whew - nothing to do with me.
I get home round 3AM on Wednesday morning.

1 Crazy Day.
2 Shitty Portfolios (free, though)
3-5 Hilarious Stories

oh, Tuesdays.

Hope you enjoyed the story(ies) folks! Twas fucking intense.
[ wish me luck ]

the full moon needs to rest,
- jelsen

"Just Shutup And Listen, I'm A White Male."

Psychology, psychology. This 'white male = omnipotence' concept has been the center of (western) culture since...uhm....1492?

This role is still very popular among all forms of public communication, which (still) shows the lack of cultural, ethnic, and gender diversity in just about every industry. The 'majority' advertises for and with themselves in mind - duh.

Ever since i can remember ive looked through school textbooks, watched popular tv shows and read print ads asking, "where's the guy that represents me?". Im either in BOX:A or BOX:B. This, both subtly and overtly, has an undeniably negative effect on a young person's character development and perception of self worth. If you only see someone that looks like you in a handful of roles - you imply these are the sum of all that you can become.

no sir! let's teach the babies.

keep your eyes open.
- jelsen

Good Morning // 08

Long story short: the Immigrations Office told me to make an appointment with the Federal Office (in the Financial District) to be 'sworn in' on all things Bahareh/Jelsen. The appointment was set (by them) for 7:30am. Since i only had about 2hrs of sleep last and woke up at 7, i opted for a cab into the city.

I get there, wait an hour for my ticket to be called, get my ticket called, pull out my paperwork, and then watched the teller's lips tell me, "...you shouldnt have come here for this. Get this signed at any public notary".

"the customer service (YOUR service) told me to specifically make an appointment here to get this document signed..."

"...nope", he said, "yeah - we've been having issues with our phone customer service people. They've been giving a lot of wrong information. See, we contract out our customer service."

"WOW", jelsen said. wow.

- jelsen

Turnstile Bums

...did i mention 'assholes'?

Why the hell do these people think that right smack IN the turnstyle is the perfect nest for canoodling? maybe installing coat racks would further accommodate these two. sure, it's late at night and the station's practically empty - but, i've seen this during primetime hours also.

These fuckers tend to have other similar habitual traits such as:

- standing at the TOP of the stairs to talk on the phone instead of moving out of the damn way to let the rest of the city pass through
- stopping at the BOTTOM of the stairs while everyone's trying to get in/out of the trains
- playing cheesy-ass radio music via a piece of shit cell phone...all treble
- singing along with the cheesy-ass radio music via a piece of shit cell phone...all treble.

Where's the MTA etiquette, eh?

- jelsen

DRIVE-BY TMI // 01

1st up - Jesus' Prince-O-Peacemobile. vroom vroom!

I think its very inconsiderate of this car owner to have not one but two (2) window bumpers asking you to flip through the Old Testament twice: first when reading it from your rear-view mirror then again when the bastard cuts you off.

How is anyone going to be saved with this new brand of 'mobile evangelism'? tsk tsk. what happened to slipping pamphlets through a car's cracked window in the local mega parking lot? evangelism has indeed lost its intimacy.

* oh wait, right. they got the Lord Approved 'FORGVIN1' tag. FREE PASS EVERYONE, FREE PASS! red lights and stop signs? puh leez.

B.O.M.B.A. - the acronym.
c'mon now. now you have a big-ass secret on a big ass rear windshield.

Better Off Masturbating Beneath A-train

Oh c'mon c'mon! pick a side, comrade! so, you honk & honk & honk & honk until i let you by and then you apologize for being an asshole?

You should just drive in reverse to avoid a whole lotta confusion.

thanks
- jelsen
(shout out to amy, mary & jeanny for 'Drive-By TMI')

Sunny Side of UPS

Now, since UPS likes to lie (in detail) about when they'll actually deliver a package to your home, i had the privilege of taking a good chunk out of my day to trek the 7 Train to Sunnyside, Queens to pick it up my damn self.

check out the glorious entrance.

- jelsen

Marijuanapparel.

Yesterday, on myrtle's wonderful B54 bus, my eye caught onto a pattern on a pair of this grown-ass-man's jeans. what was that pattern? marijuana leaves; embroidered...across the entire pair.

REALLY?

What's up with these adults strutting around proudly rocking either 2pac/weed-leaf tees (wonder if they know his lyrics), dangling sterling 'silver' marijuana necklaces with real 'diamonds', and/or (my very, very favorite) a weed tattoo?

Why is this so cool to them? these are far from rebelling highschool kids skipping class to spark a quickie - these people HAVE children, even adult ones! Who cares that you smoke weed? most of us do. it really isnt unique and sure as hell isnt proclamation-worthy. all you're saying is, "hello stranger, before i tell you who i am or what i do for a living - i REALLY need to express how much i love weed....via my clothing. awesome, huh?!".

NOPE

I wonder how many of these marijuanapperellers are involved in any legalization issues or activist organizations. i wouldnt bet on many; these classy cats are just tooooo cool for that.

- jelsen